She's always running
by Indecisivly Undecided
Summary: Clary running from her feelings for Jace. OOC Human. She meets him at a bar when he saves her from a drunk, she goes home with him… No lemons.
1. And She Ran

Looking down at the swirling red liquid in her glass, she could almost imagine him there. If she closes her eyes really tight she could see them dancing his body always fit perfectly with hers, his breath would brush her ear sending shivers through her body and he'd whisper to her, he'd tell her he loved her she was beautiful. She never had that never had someone love her like that and it scared her, so so much. He'd hurt she decided so she left before he could.

She still remembers the night they met, he had recued her from some jerk at the bar who smelled strongly of rum if only her rescuer who looked like a blond angle didn't stink just as bad. She did want to go with him if only because he was pretty and she wanted to draw him right after he woke up, maybe angles aren't always so pretty. But she had been wrong he still was he woke up with the perfect bed head and a smirk.

She'd tried to sneak out then; he was in the shower he wouldn't know. Maybe she could have saved them both so much pain but when she closed her eyes all she saw was that thin mouth curved slightly at one side in the stupid smirk and she just had to wipe it off his face. So when he came out she attacked him, with a kiss, something she'd never been bold enough to do with a one nighter but he didn't seem to mind.

He wouldn't let her leave, not without breakfast and not without giving him her number. He was so cute the golden angle asking her an ordinary and somewhat awkward looking ginger on a date, he was even nervous.

It was just a picnic in his garden with soggy cheese sandwiches and slices of apple but it was the best date she had ever been on. He told her about his birthday when he was five, he toke a bath in spaghetti. She laughed way too much and he just smirked but it was closer to a smile now. His kisses tasted like apple that night.

Then she met his family she had never met a boyfriends family before, in fact she never had a boyfriend just a string of toys. A girl with long black hair ran over and wrapped her in a hug; one that lasted way too long, Jace was the only person she hugged. Soon after he rescued her and sent the black haired girl to make dinner. She left hours later and she left by herself, it was just too much, she slipped out while they were bickering about what movie to watch.

He tried to call her, everyday, then every week, then every month. She never picked up. He tried to visit. She never opened the door. She ran and she kept running.

But tonight she's back at the pandemonium with the bright lights and too loud music. Glaring at the swirling red liquid in her glass, biting her lip to hold back tears. One year, since she left him, one year he must have moved on. She chanced a look at the bar where she had seen him last. His smirk held no smile now and his gold eyes no longer shined, he looked broken. He was walking over to her the smile back in his smirk, she didn't know how but he could always find her. Despite her promise to herself she smiled, he still cared. But it wasn't enough, she had hurt him she didn't deserve him, she never did. Knocking her wine glass over she got up and ran. She was always running.


	2. Still Running

_I wasn't going to continue this but I decided to, mainly because someone actually wants to read it. So thank you so much for reviewing it means a lot, you know who you are (being the only one ;)) well enjoy…_

Jace looked at the blond in his lap, what was her name again Kelly? It must have been, although it really didn't matter, she would never be Clary. All he had left of her was a picture, just one picture. She would never let a camera near her. This one was drawn.

He had his memories; she couldn't take those with her although she probably would. He could still remember how she looked that first night with her fire hair curled, wearing that black dress that stopped just above her knees. She was beautiful, although she never believed him. He can remember her laugh, the night he told her about his 5th birthday present. She laughed way too much, but it sounded amazing. She was nervous when she gave him her apple kisses.

He woke up one night to find her sitting in his garden, drawing, moonlight washing over her, paling her skin and somehow making her hair brighter. She was drawing a picnic with cheese sandwiches and apple slices. She let him keep it. Then she ran, she stole herself away from him.

Kelly wasn't worth it, disentangling him self, or rather dumping her off his lap, Jace looked around pandemonium. He saw a flash of red sitting in a dark corner, trying not to get his hopes up and trying in vain not to smile he approached her. She looked up and smiled a small smile, Jace felt his heart flutter she was here really here and she was happy to see him. But it was quickly replaced with horror and shame as she knocked her wine over and ran.

Jace's heart stopped, she was leaving him again? No, no she was not, he did nothing to stop her last time; he wasn't letting it happen again. Pushing past the dancing bodies and receiving a few 'choice words', he made his way towards the door she disappeared through.

It lead to the dirty ally couples would sneak off too for some 'privacy', lucky there was no one here. The ally led to a parking lot behind pandemonium where Clary was still getting in her car. An overwhelming since of relief came over Jace, she was still here, he still had a chance.

He called out to her and the only response he got was an increase in her effort to get away. He ran over grabbed her arm and spun her to face him. She was still just as beautiful as before but she looked sick. Her skin was paler she had bags under her eyes and a dark patch grazed her jaw line. She was hurting and the sight destroyed him.

"Cl-ary" it came out in a broken whisper.

"Let go of me Jace" surprising himself he obeyed and she ran, again.


	3. Oh but he's going to chase her

_I love you guys thanks for reviewing :) You'll be happy to know I have an outline now so I know how I'll end it. Well I have two possible endings one's happy the other's realistic so we'll see._

Jace stared at the now empty parking lot. He let her go, again. No he was going to fight, she wasn't getting away not this time, not again. He called a cab and went to her old apartment, the one he tried so hard to get her to move out of. Now all he wanted was for her to be there no matter how run down it was or how bad the neighbourhood is, she had to be there. He was going to find her.

He stood outside her apartment banging on the door it rattled every time his fist connected. The only response he received was a yell from her neighbours but he wasn't leaving without her. He'd been there for ten minuets before he heard a soft voice behind him. "Jace?" It was Clary sounded confused and biting her lip. He smiled at the thought. "What are you doing?"

"I- I… I came to talk to… you… I needed to-" dam it he was stuttering, he never came off as anything but confident.

" No" she began to open her door

"I'm not leaving until I do"

"Well then I guess you're staying the night" she said in a matter of fact tone. Jace smirked he was hoping she'd say that.

"Love to" he pushed past her. The apartment was exactly the way he remembered it pictures scattered around, dishes in the sink, and art supplies thrown around the room. But the curtains where drawn and the paints where darker. The only bright thing in the room was a picture of him done in all gold. He was studying it now. "Love what you've done with the place." Clary blushed. "So shall we go to the bedroom" She nodded and ran to her room, locking it behind her. Jace smiled, she was still the same. He'd get her back.


	4. He's catching up

**Italics are flash backs. What do you think I should use for Jace's last name? I like Lightwood and Wayland.**

Clary woke up the next day to the smell of bacon. She was the she only one he cooked for. Then realization hit, this was Jace the man she still loved, the one she left, she hurt, and he was here, asking to "talk". She never thought she'd see him again but here his was cooking breakfast as if she never left. He didn't mean it, he couldn't. There was not such thing as love; men are just liars and criminals using love as an excuse. Her mother told her that.

_Clary watched through a crake in the door as her mother was thrown to the floor by Valentine. She had stopped thinking of him as her father a long time ago. He was a monster. He spat at her, throw her across the room and called her an ungrateful bitch. "Everything he did was for her because he loved her so much he'd do anything for her". Then he walked over to her carefully picked her up and held her, in his arms until she fell asleep._

Jace flipped the bacon over he knew how much she loved it, waking up to the smell of cooked bacon hearing the sizzle. She might even eat with him… tell him why she left. Her bedroom door creaked open and out stepped the beautiful redhead, she was fully dressed, much to his disappointment but hadn't brushed her hair. She had bed head but it worked on her, curling her hair even more. He smiled and handed her the plate which she grudgingly toke. He grabbed his own and went to sit next to her on the couch but she moved away. He sighed; ok it would happen just not yet.

"Jace what did you come here for?" Clary asked it was the coldest voice he'd ever heard from her. But she wasn't mad just guarded.

"To talk to you" Jace answered in his most innocent tone but that only seemed to push her away.

"Why what could you possibly want?"

"I want to know why you left me" He fought to keep the hurt out of his voice

"It wouldn't have worked out any way"

"You don't know that, I loved you and I still love you" He was worried he was saying too much putting himself to far out there, but this was Clary. "I would do anything for you" She flinched at those words.

"Well I don't want you too" she was about to cry "and I think you should leave"

"Do you love me?"

"Leave"

"Is that a yes or a no?" He knew he should leave and come back after but he couldn't.

"Get out"

"After you answer me"

"Go"

"No, I'll leave if you tell me you don't love me" With that she got up and left. But she didn't say no.


	5. Waiting

**If anyone wants to write a summery then please do. Sorry I forgot to change it to in progress when I decide to continue don't worry I'm not done. I wouldn't end like that :)**

Clary stood outside her apartment door biting her lip, what if he was still there. Could she face him? "I would do anything for you" she replayed his words "I still love you"

"_You love him more than me" Valentine accused Jocelyn. Clary could hear him yelling with her head buried under her pillow. She learnt to block this out. _

"_That's not true, he's my son, of course I love him. I love you too and I'm grateful for you giving him to me" Jocelyn's voice was a cracked plea. Clary heard a bang and Jocelyn cry out._

" _And I'm taking him back you can't love him more." The door next to hers slammed open but Jonathon didn't cry he didn't struggle. He gave up a long time ago and told Clary to do the same. _

"_What do you mean you're taking him? What are you doing?" Jocelyn was screaming now but it didn't matter. It never did. The sound of breaking glass and a body falling sounded through the house. The front door slammed. When the house went quite Clary counted to 100 then tip toed out to her mother. Kneeling down she cut her arm it was a deep cut and bleed but she didn't care. Jocelyn was asleep but she wasn't bleeding. Clary wanted to call for help but Mommy said not to do that unless she was asleep and bleeding. She wanted to cry but Mommy said never to cry so instead she went back to bed and waited until morning._

Jace was still there just as she expected. She opened the door to find him sprawled across the couch waiting for her. He looked so peace full it hurt. He was just so perfect his golden hair curled fanned across his face, his eyes closed and mouth turned up in that dam smirk. Even with one arm tucked behind him and an arm and leg falling on the floor, he was perfect. Smiling she went to get him a blanket. She could at least do that for him but as she went to put it on he woke up.

His eyes were still glazed over with sleep as he looked up at her in awe. Then he seemed to realize where he was and stiffened. She had hurt him and now she was going to pay for it. She braced herself but he relaxed. Maybe he wasn't her father, she couldn't risk it but she was tired of hurting him.

"Clary, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here like this. I shouldn't have pushed myself on you. If you still want me to leave, I will" She was silent. She couldn't bring herself to tell him to go. And he sounded so sincere. She touched the scar on her forearm, it was so long ago but it still looked new. Then she touched the finger shaped bruises around it those where new. Jace was staring at her waiting for an answer.

"Stay" she commanded before she even decided. It was too late now, he was staying.

Jace stared at her did that really just happen? Is she really letting him stay?She looked like she regretted but didn't correct herself. He got up to hug her but she flinched away, that hurt him. Instead he smiled not a smirk but a smile and she smiled in return. It was still a small smile but it wasn't as sad. She went to paint then, with dark colours but she let him watch. He was the only one who was ever allowed to watch.

Smiling he went to sit next to her but when he saw the painting his heart stopped. The painting was black, pieces of a small pale body showed each piece was covered in purple bruises the size of finger prints. She had taken a paint brush dipped it in red and splattered the painting and in the corner was written in tiny letters, "_To be loved is to be destroyed"_


	6. Last

**I'm going to back to school tomorrow but I promise to keep writing.**

_It'd been a month since she had last seen Jonathon, they didn't speak about him. It had been two weeks since her mother had spoken to her and three days since she looked at her. She was invisible now, even to Valentine. Right now she was sitting in a chair across from her mother, they were watching TV and of course Jocelyn was ignoring her. The door opened with a bang and Valentine stumbled in. His eyes where blood shot and he reeked of rum, it was his favourite drink. He stared at Clary and Jocelyn stiffened. Then he looked at Jocelyn, she was pale with dark circles under her eyes. He smiled but it held something, it was the one Jonathon would give Clary before he threw mud at her. "Jocelyn" He said her name sweetly, 'lovingly' "do you love me?"_

_She sucked in a breath. "Of course I do" it was an automatic answer anything else would have earned a beating._

"_And do you love Clary?" Clary stiffened._

"_No" Jocelyn's voice cracked "I don't love anyone but you"_

"_But I'm a part of Clary…" he looked thoughtful "Unless, you don't really love me, do you?" He turned to look at Clary "Go to your room"_

_Jocelyn was stuttering, she was terrified "I, I I love lloovee youu" he smiled. That was the last time Clary had seen her mother. Her father killed himself immediately after. He left her a note; she got it on her 16__th__ birthday. Five simple words 'Don't ever fall in love'_

XxXx

Clary sat on the edge of her bed folding and unfolding the worn paper. She reread the words again and again. Desperately trying to discredit them or trying to believe them she wasn't sure. Why had she let him stay? Why had she let him in? And more importantly why did she go to the fucking Pandemonium that night. Tears where threatening now but no she would not cry, she promised her mother that.

A bang echoed through the apartment, not Jace's soft knock but '_his'_ demanding one. His possessive "I shouldn't have to knock" resentful banging. She let him in and he just stared at her. Oh god he noticed, she was happier, well maybe happier isn't the word but he noticed. He didn't say anything, that's why this worked they didn't talk about feelings pasts or secrets. That wasn't them, that wasn't their relationship, it was Jace and everything about him. Jace was dangerous if wanted to know everything wanted a weapon. Sebastian wasn't like that he had a weapon but it was one she was used to, it was home. She almost welcomed it.

XxXx

When Clary woke up the next morning she was alone, he never stayed but it was better that way. They didn't need to talk didn't need to cuddle. That wasn't them. He never asked if she loved him and never told her he did. He never asked about her day or tried to make small talk. She was a release and that was ok because so was he. But he got jealous, and jealousy turns to hurt and hurt turns to anger. She never talked to other men, never became friends with them. She was his. And that was ok.

XxXx

Jace called her later that day, she didn't pick up. She didn't deserve him, she never did. He didn't deserve the heart break and hurt being with someone like her would cause. He was too good, too pure to be put through that. No she wouldn't pick up she wouldn't answer the door; that would be better. It would make her a better person, to save him. It would hurt but she was used to that, besides he would hurt her too and that would hurt more. She was doing this for him. Or was it for her? It didn't matter, she was doing it.


	7. It's a race

Jace tried her number one last time and when she didn't pick up he went to apartment. He still had the key she had given him when they were together so he let himself in.

Xoxo

Jace was watching Tv at Clary's when the door banged open. A short man with black hair who looked like he was taking steroids stormed in. He glared at Jace looked him over, evidently convinced he could take him, smiled. "Who the hell are you?" he demanded.

"Jace"

"What the hell are you doing at my girlfriends?" Girlfriend? So she had moved on.

"Waiting for her" Jace tried to sound indifferent but the hurt must have sounded in his voice.

The dark haired man narrowed his eyes "Don't fuck with me and stay away from her" he warned before turning around and storming out.

XXX

Clary came home a few hours later she was limping slightly and her eyes were red, her lips were puffy and dried blood surrounded her mouth. Jace got up and ran to her as soon as she came in.

"What happened to you" He could feel the anger building inside him, who ever hurt his Clary would pay.

"I banged my face off a fucking brick wall about you. What the fuck did you say to Sebastian?" Her voice held blame and hurt.

"Who's Sebastian?"

"My boyfriend." The steroid jerk if he hurt her… "What. Did. You. Say. To. Him? She punctuated each word.

"My name, what did he do to you?"

"I told you I hit my face off a wall. Get the fuck out." Was she really asking him to leave?

"I'm not leaving you like this Clary" He meant to be firm but he he could hear the desperation in his own voice.

"You don't get it Jace, all you can do is hurt me. And all I want from you is to leave. You said you'd do anything for me? Then get the fuck out." Her voice didn't waver, it held all the authority she needed but still…

"You don't mean that" Jace made one last desperate plea

"I don't love you. You said you'd leave if I told you. I just didn't want to hurt you but I don't love you. I never can" Those were the words she needed to say. What he needed to hear. He left with out another word.


	8. Never run from a fight

_I don't love you, I don't love you, I don't love you…_The words echoed in Jace's head. He stopped walking closed his eyes tight, willing the tears back. **I DON'T LOVE YOU**. He opened them, where the hell was he. 'Great Jace you went and got yourself lost in one of the worst parts of town' he started muttering. It didn't matter he wanted to fight, before he'd hold it back, he do it for her. She didn't like fighting, didn't like violence. But fuck it and fuck her.

He couldn't believe his luck when he, mister steroid jerk walked around the corner. Well fuck this was going to be fun. "Hey Sebastian" he called in a sweet voice as he walked by. And Sebastian turned, his eyes were normal, he wasn't high, dam.

"Who the fuck are you" well at least he was still sweet.

"Jace, we've been over this and I'm sure you've heard it enough times from Clary" He knew that would get her in shit but he didn't plan on letting good old Sebastian get that far.

"What the fuck did you just say, you fucking little weasel?" Sebastian was about three inches from his face, he won't hold much longer.

"I'll go a little slower, although Clary's always asking me to go faster an a-" At that point Sebastian's fist connected with Jace's stomach. He smiled a little before tackling him to the ground, sitting on his back and smashing his head repeatedly into the pavement, every time it connected with a sickening crack. Jace smiled a little more, maybe it didn't make him any better but it felt good.

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What was she doing in Sebastian's apartment, she always felt out of place there. The curtains where drawn, always drawn, she was never allowed to open them. The walls were black, no colour, anywhere. Even the couch was black, and his clothes they where dark. She hated coming here but he told her to, she was supposed to wait for him.

Jace would never make her wait for him, but she wasn't with Jace. She'd never see him again. Closing her eyes she gave into the tears, shuddering she repeated her chant "I do not love him; I do not love Jace Wayland. He'll hurt me; I don't love him." It hurt her to admit that but it was true.

No she was tired of it, she was tired of running, she had to, _had to_ find him. She slowly rose from the sofa, her legs unsteady, she wasn't ready for this. She left a note for Sebastian two simple words but it would do "_Fuck off_"'.

She made her way down the stairs, breathing hard. Dam it, why was this so difficult, terrifying, _painful_. What if she was wrong, what if he didn't love her? Or worst what if she fucked it up to bad? She couldn't do it, couldn't do it, couldn't do it. Fuck how did she reach the door? Ok deep breath this is it, leave and you don't come back. Leave and you go find him.

She turned the handle, it toke more force then she remembered. But what waited on the other side of the door nearly killed her. It was him, the man she was finally going to stop running from. He had tears streaming down his face as he sobbed her name. A bloody and unconscious Sebastian lay under him. He looked so fragile, so hurt, for a moment all she wanted was to go to him. But then he looked at her and she just couldn't do it, so with on last glance back she ran.


	9. One more time

You disgusting prick, she said no. She said she didn't love you, she didn't want you. So why, why did you do this? You fucking asshole she hates you and you know why. You hurt her, that's all you do. She said it, she told you.

Jace was sitting on top of an unconscious bloody Sebastian, all he could think about was her. Not assault charges, not getting Sebastian or himself to a hospitable, they both deserved to die anyway, they had both hurt her.

"Clary" he called out between sobs "I'm sorry". And he was, but not about this, not about Sebastian, he was an asshole, he didn't deserve her either. No he was sorry he couldn't be more, he couldn't be enough. She deserved everything and he couldn't give it to her.

And then there she was, like she just magically appeared, standing in front of him. She was beautiful. You don't deserve her, you don't.

He kept his head down he couldn't look at her any longer, couldn't see the pain he caused. Couldn't see the hatred, which was surly in her eyes.

He heard the gasp followed by her sneakers hitting the ground, as she ran. This time he didn't follow, he never would again.

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She didn't go home, she didn't need her things. She didn't take her car. She didn't take her phone. She didn't want them, didn't need them. She was going, again, she had to leave and wanted nothing of her old life.

She ran all 20 blocks to the subway station not wanting the one near _him_. She toke the train to the airport and got the first available plain not even bothering to find out where she was going. She ended up in Bangor, Main.

A new life, one without relationships, men or even friends she didn't them. Always taught to get by on her own and she wouldn't even do that, but now she didn't have a choice.

She opened an art studio a small one, even used a fake name, just encase he was looking. She sold her art, under a fake name. Clary Fray was gone, she was Elizabeth Morgenstern now the name her father would have chosen, if he had bothered to name her.

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I dreamt about you last night. The way you looked at me the shock horror, hatred. I don't blame you Clary. I'd be amazed if you didn't hate me. I just don't understand why you actually left the city. I would have left if you asked me too. After that, it's the least I could have done.

I'm not sorry for what I did to Sebastian, he hurt you. He wanted you to hurt, I saw your bruises, you aren't very good at hiding them. He's alive by the way, doing better now.

I went to your apartment yesterday, you left everything there. I've been paying your rent encase you ever want to come back. Although it been two years I doubt you would.

God I miss you. I promised myself I'd stop chasing a girl, who really just wanted me to leave her alone, but I can't let you go. I've tried, oh believe me I have but you'll always be apart of me. I really don't understand why you're so special but you are. I've dated girls since you, ones like you: passionate, redhead, short, artistic, weird in an adorable way, funny, cute. None of them are you.

This one e-mail Clary, one email, that's all I'm asking of you. Just one e-mail, tell me how you're doing.

~Love Jace.

Jace stared at the screen, his throat tight, eyes stinging. All he had to do was hit send. But did he really deserve to do that, did she even still use her e-mail? It had been two years, he had to move on. This one e-mail he thought that's all I get, one e-mail then I'll move on. He hit send and the e-mail went through. It was up to her now.

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She felt dirty and used the way she always felt when coming home. This one was worst he rolled off her in a sweaty mess, before she was done, and then told her to leave. Jace never asked her to leave… Shaking her head she expelled all thoughts of her ex-golden boy. She had left him and wasn't about to come crawling back after two years. No, he deserved better.

"Just one more time" she muttered going to check her e-mail again, her nightly routine.


	10. Run Home

Shaking she stared at the screen reading the e-mail over and over. _Hate him_ how, how could she hate him? All he ever did was try so, so hard to love her and she hurt him all of the time. She never showed she cared, never told him how great he was. Why? Because she's a coward and now he thinks she hates him. But doesn't she, isn't that why she left, no she left because she's selfish.

Closing her eyes to fight the seldom shed tears she sat down to write but how could she ever explain it in an e-mail. Biting her lip she made a decision, she typed three simple words. "I'm coming home."

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It took Jace two days to check his e-mail, too afraid she wouldn't reply but when he saw the little one next to the envelope he almost squealed thankfully before he could do something too embarrassing he clamed him self down thinking about junk mail. But there it was, from her.

He couldn't bring himself to open it yet. She might be telling him to stop, go away, that she hated him. No it probably was hate mail but it was something, from her at least and that meant everything, even if it would destroy him.

Unashamed tears rolled down his face as Jace stared at the screen, he couldn't do this couldn't be crushed. No, he stormed out he needed to be somewhere else. He had no idea how long he had been walking, and he didn't even no how he ended up there but he staggered into Clary's apartment and passed out on her bed, tear stains worn proudly.

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Clary looked at her closet she didn't really need much, not if Jace kept her apartment. Besides she didn't have much she really wanted. She packed a few pairs of jeans, sweaters and of course her sketch book. Flipping through it she realised it was full of just him. He was in the back round of some, just a spec of yellow, almost as if she hadn't meant to put him there but towards the end he came closer. The last one was a picnic, under the moon light with apples and soggy cheese sandwiches. She smiled this felt right, in an almost unsettling way.

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When Jace woke up the next morning, he grudgingly opened his eyes, he wasn't ready to face the real world not yet. In his dreams he's always with her always happy, but she sent him an e-mail, hate mail but it was from her. He'd open it today or maybe tomorrow. Taking a deep breath he got out of her bed, it stopped smelling like her, peachy sent, a long time ago, desperate Jace even bought peach perfume but nobody could ever bottle Clary. Oh well, he really needed a shower.

Since he spent more time here than his own place he kept some cloths here but not too much it was still hers. After his shower he put on the dry clothes shock out his hair and emerged to find… Clary… staring right at him looking shocked and nervous and beautiful as ever but not disgusted and hatful like he thought.


	11. First Place

"Just so we're clear, if we're gonna be living together, you'll have to wear pants…almost all of the time." He just stood there staring at her, clenching his towel tightly. "This is most certainly one of those times, get dressed I'll wait" he didn't move "would you like me to pick you're cloths out for you?" he laughed slightly and muttered something about being able to dress himself.

Unbelievingly she was still there, when he emerged wearing faded jeans and a grey t-shirt. She was flipping through her sketchbook but upon seeing him she scooted over and padded the seat beside her, which he gratefully took. They sat in silence for several moments, then Jace spoke up, "what did you mean about living together?"

"Let me show you something" she flipped through the sketchbook showing an ever growing speck of gold. "You're always there Jace even if I'm not" she turned to the last page. "I drew this one on the plane" it was a golden boy cuddling with a smiling carrot top. Drawing in a shaky breath she moved her hand so it covered his, well a bit of his. "Jace Wayland, I really do love you and that scares the shit out of me, I've never said that before". She watched him carefully as his left eyebrow raised ever so slightly and his lips puffed. "There's so much I have to say to you, Jace so much I need to explain and when I'm done you might not want me and I'll understand bu-" He kissed her so hard she thought she may break but as long as it was Jace holding the pieces she'd be ok, like she always is with him.

"How in the world could I not want you Clary? I love you and I want to know, no matter how…bad it is, I want to know you" he ran his finger up her arm drawing southing circles.

She told him about her Father and her Mother, "To love is to destroy and to be loved is to be destroyed" a philosophy by which she has lived her entire life. She told him about Jonathon her older brother, the one she'll never see again. She told him about Sebastian, explaining how he was just a release. Finally she told him about the disgusting old men she sought out to satisfy some disturbing urge to prove Valentine right. The whole time Jace just cradled her, wiping her tears and when she was done he carried her off to bed and they slept holding each other.


End file.
